I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
