I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
