My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
