I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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