yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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