that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it glows. i had to have it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
