Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
