Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The Olympian is in my bed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
