how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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