do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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