He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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