so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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