I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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