Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
