Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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