Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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