The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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