its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
