Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
