As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
