My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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