I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
and she was petting her beer can
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
