woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
