I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
