Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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