remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
