We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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