Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
