Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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