How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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