You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
