So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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