He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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