hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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