I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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