I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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