O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize