Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I look better un-naked...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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