M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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