in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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