We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
