How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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