Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
