id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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