Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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