I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
