Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
