3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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