Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
