You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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