Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
