If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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