hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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