I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize