I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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