Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
