Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
