I can text with my tongue
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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