the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
