I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
