I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
