Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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