Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
