i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what day is it and did you see me today?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
