Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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