I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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