It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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