She's like a pop up book from hell.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
