The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
