she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
