Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
